Lost...

 This will be my first blog post on my journey to self-love and confidence. The reason for this blog is to express my emotion and hopefully it also helps others out. Another reason is learning how to be in the present and not just scrolling through social media everyday wondering who likes my post or pictures and needing that validation for others. Basically, Fuck Everyone and I do not care what anyone thinks about me. I am just gonna do me and if you do not vibe with me then that is on you not me. 

First, Self-love is a bitch, I was recently told by my-ex who just broke up with me that she loved herself more and needed someone that loves her more than she loves herself. She actually was contradicting herself, during my research I discovered that no one will ever love you more than you love yourself and that we need to be able to be self sufficient in our emotions and be able to work through them alone. We do not need others to help us. Yes, the other partner needs to show support and that you care, but that person will keep getting disappointed with their partner because they keep feeling like they are not helping  or supporting them through every pitfall in life. 

I felt like I was being supportive to her needs and checking in with her, but still felt like it was not enough. So her being an "Anxious Attachment" person she constantly needs and worries that their partner does not love them back. I am at the moment an "Avoidant Attachment" where when someone gets close to me I push them at an arms distance. Through counseling, the result of me being avoidant  was from when my mom died when I was 23. She was the one that told me everyday loving words and showing love with a hug and since then I had no one to show me that so I lost that for the last 10 years and did not know how to show love or receive it. 

I did a Rhetti test (I recommend everyone takes this) that gives you a profile about who you are and what you need to work on. I found out that I needed to achieve inner peace and solve the problems on my own. I learned that I needed to be open with my partner and communicate better, but still figure out the problems on my own and be more of a "Secure Attachment." 

All in all, we need to remember that we are not broke and its continuous growth everyday to get to a point of self-reflection and peace. Your partner also needs to realize that the growth does not happen over night and they need to be able to support you and go on the journey with you.

#selflove #attachment #avoidant #selfconfidence #anxious #secure #thewhiteabyss

Thank you for reading